Where Do We Go From Here?

I wish this post was a happier one. I wish I could be telling about how great my pregnancy is going, and how excited I am to be over halfway to meeting our beautiful child. Instead I'm here to say I've already met him. Domonic Cole was born on March 22nd, 2018 at 5am, 20wks premature. He did not survive.
Everything was perfect. I was a glowing, happily 20wk pregnant lady, going in to find out what my wonderful bundle of joy was to be. A bouncing baby boy! He was perfect, everything was looking great, and my next appt was supposed to be the beloved glucose tolerance test... But now my next appt is a postpartum appt, and I have no baby to show for it. I am absolutely heart broken. I lay in bed all day every day, I only eat when I'm made to most of the time, I've lost 20lbs because of it. I'm a shell of who I used to be. I'm broken, and idk how to put my pieces back together. Idk how to moved forward at this point, or if I'm even able to, or if I even want to! My baby boy is gone, I have empty arms, and my tummy is just as empty, I'm hollow... No words will ever describe how I truly feel, and nothing I do or say will being my child back. I'm not even sure why I'm writing this to be honest. I guess getting it out helps, idk...
To my son, Domonic, mommy loves you with every fiber of her being. A piece of me died with you, and I don't think I'll ever recover. Thank you for being so brave and showing me there was a problem with my body, and protecting your little siblings, I truly wish we would be found out sooner, and we might could have saved you too. I'm sorry I couldn't save you sweet boy. I will always love you.