Recent Updates, and My Crazy Life atm

So I had tried to write an update recently, but my ipad app wouldn't let me write without the app crashing. I had hit a plateau. My life was very stagnant, not much going on, I mean really a lot going on, but I was just going crazy, not living day to day. Also, my weight loss has hit a plateau as well. I'm kind of stuck at a little over 200lbs. 202-205lbs. not really sure which it is, but I am stuck so there's that. I just felt stuck again. Not a feeling I love, and I just wanted to share with you guys about it.

But that was then. Now however, a lot is going on. Next week we leave for vacation! (WHOOP!) For the last month I have been keeping my nephew, haven't done that in years. Umm, let's see, oh I kind of quit my service, I had a lot going on this year, it was getting in the way of my service, I will continue to serve, but I have cut my time way back. A few days ago, my KK died. She was 94yrs old. She lived a long life, rich with love from all her kids. Madison took it very hard, she held KK's hand in her casket during the viewing, she never would leave her casket for very long at a time, she kissed her, hugged her, just showering her with love. Yesterday we buried her, and Madison cried during the entire service, her little heart just can't handle all of this death. I don't feel protecting her from it though is very healthy, it is a normal part of life, one she will eventually go through without me to help her handle it, and I want her to grow up knowing what it is, what it means, and how to handle it. That is really the biggest update I have right now, that's kind of all the craziness in the last month.

Now for the big ticket item. Last update I told you guys that I had a natural cycle, that I was taking a mountain of vitamins, and that I had a surgery coming up. My surgery was pushed back, but I did have it. She checked my fallopian tubes, they were clear, my uterine lining I believe was good, my ovaries looked worse than before the first surgery. My left ovary was larger than my uterus! She drained all the fluid off she could, and she felt very hopeful. This time, I had what she thought to be a cycle almost immediately after my surgery, and then another one July 1st. The most recent one was a "normal" menstrual cycle, and I have been using an app to track my cycle. Well I decided to try ovulation tests, just to see, and when my app told me to expect my O, I tired my tests.... They were positive! I got 3 positive ovulation tests! I was so excited, and nervous, and so many different emotions all at once.  

So I did what you are supposed to do with positive tests, and here we are 3DPO (Days past ovulation) (if I ovulated at all). I am losing my mind. I am in what is called the 2WW (2 week wait), and I just want to know if I actually ovulated or not. There is a chance I did, and there is also a chance I didn't, and the not knowing is driving me insane, doesn't it to all of us though? To think that I could have though is amazing. To think that I could be sitting here with a fertilized egg running around my fallopian tubes right now? Even if I don't end up pregnant, my breasts already hurt, like I know I am in the middle of a "normalized" cycle, so at the end if I get a period, I plan to call and ask if i can get clomid called in. This is crazy, and my mind cannot accept it just yet. My skepticism is running the show right now, and my won't let me be happy yet. I keep trying to disprove the possibility using Dr. Google. I just want to be happy knowing it's a possibility, but alas, my brain says no. So 3DPO, can't really test until at least 7DPO, even then I could get a false negative, and should really wait til 10-12DPO.. Either way, i will not be writing an update til either I am pregnant menstruating. Either way will be amazing, but I'm hoping for the former. See you guys in 2 weeks!